Moving On

I can still clearly see pictures of the past.

That moment, that person, that smell, it never truly goes away. I have left that memory way behind yet sometimes its there sitting next to me.

My present doesn’t have anything of the past but somehow my past has my present. Sounds absurd doesn’t it?

It is in that moment that I have forgotten or that I wish to forget that I created my today, so how can they really be separated?

There are days when I can clearly hear my father’s voice, like he is there, next to me, saying those words. These utterances don’t happen when I am down in the dumps or when I am at the heights of elation, they can happen anytime, without warning.

It been 3 years yet I can still smell him around the house, a house that he never lived in.

People told us to FORGET what happened and MOVE ON.

And I have, my whole family has.
We are living our lives the way he would have wanted us to, fully, completely with no complains (ok with some complains!). In fact there are days when I don’t think of him at all, days when I cant even remember anything, days when no memory of the incident exists, days when it all seems unreal and then there are days like today, when for no apparent reason the pain is as strong as the day I first felt it.

I have not forgotten, not one word, not one emotion, not one moment.

But then maybe moving on doesn’t mean FORGETTING the moments or the person, maybe it means ACCEPTING the absence of those moments, of that person.

Maybe moving on means living with the knowledge of that absence, maybe moving on means having the courage to live with the knowledge of that absence.

I believe we all have that courage. I know we do.