and it begins...

They say life is about the moments...

Moments that are so large that one can’t see anything beyond them

Moments so small that they may well be forgotten...

Life is all about the moments...

2010: 365 days of moments

365 days made of moments when decisions were made and broken

365 days made of moments when darkness engulfed everything around me

365 days made of moments when the smile didn't stop...

Moments where I discovered who I really am because I changed

Moments where I refused to let go

Moments when I learnt to move on

Moments where concepts of love were shattered only to be redefined

Moments when who I am was less important than what I can be

Moments when limits defined were erased

2010: The year I lived.

This is the year when my heart bled as I watched many walk away

The year when pain long held was washed away

This is the year I lost love

The year I found love

This is the year when I discovered betrayal

The year when true friendship found its way

This is the year I learnt about limits

The year I discovered the power of faith

This is the year I realized the human spirit can endure all…

2010: The year that was full of peaks and valleys

IF there was love THEN there was heartbreak

There was loss BUT also self discovery

IF there was joy THEN there were endless tears

The dark night came BUT the moon shone with all its brilliance

IF there was sunrise THEN there was sunset

The afternoon was cold BUT the warm winter sun never left my face...

Life is all about the moments...

Moments that made 2010...

Moments that will make 2011...

It ends only to begin...

2011 Happy New Year

All the crazy shit I did tonight

Those would be the best memories

I just wanna let it go for the night

that would be the best therapy for me....

And then...

The goalpost

The striker

The keeper....

He looks at the man ahead and breaks into a sweat

He has no fear.

He is prepared.

But then, so is he, probably even more than him

The clock ticks and defenses are drawn

Two people up in arms,

Two looks of grim determination

Muscles are tense

Throats are parched

A deep breath

And the calculated strike...

As one relaxes

The other tenses

Eyes follow the strike,

The brain works strategies to save

Breaths are deeper, shorter

The possibilities are endless,

The fear of loss gripping,

The hope of victory ever prevalent

Flying in the air IT carries the burden of immense joy & pain

With no agenda of its own and no dream to follow IT will break many

With no control on the outcome IT will decide for many...

IT is neither here nor there.

IT IS.

There is no justice

There is no victory

There is no hope

There is hope

There is victory

There is justice

***************************************************

Talking Aloud...

It's the thought that counts... but does it really?? What use is a thought if not followed by an action that makes the thought more than what it is... merely a thought...

To think and then to act...

To dream and then to realise it...

There is so much going on in this head of mine. Thoughts, actions, dreams, aspirations, reality... And yet it feels light, like its floating somewhere where no such words exist...

Confusion has always been my middle name but now even more so... why???

I wish I had answers to all that I need to know... I wish someone would tell me what to do… I wish I would listen to that someone...

Oh! I wish...

From the zest to fight and do something why has life become about living and accepting what's on the plate...

Where is the revolution? Where is the courage to change? Where is the fight to not accept lies and injustice?

Not saying what’s truly in your mind to the one who ought to know is dishonesty.

To say yes when you mean no is being submissive.

When and how did I become dishonest & submissive?

Where and when did this complacency seep into my life???

The need for a warm blanket to keep the cold out has been met but was that all I seek? Is there more?

Am I so weak that the world around can change who I am and what I want?

What happened to the one who fought against it all?

I have changed. Something changed me.

I don't like the change.

I don't want to accept what I have, I want more.

A lot more

The fire is still there, it’s still simmering and I will not let it die...

I can’t.

Mean, heartless, uncaring and selfish, a few words once used to describe me…

In a desperate moment to be accepted I changed to make them happy but does it mean that I become someone who knows what has to be done, but doesn't do so?

Can an unhappy me keep them happy? If yes, then are they worth it?

If growing up means turning your face away from the truth then I don't want to grow up.

If maturity means giving up dreams I don't want to be mature.

If realistic means giving up on perfection I don't want to be realistic.

True happiness lies in knowing this is not the end but just the beginning of a new chapter.

Quotes Again!

I don't want to own anything until I know I've found the place where me & things belong together. I'm not quite sure where that is yet but I know what it's like.

***************************

Never love a wild thing...
You cant give your heart to a wild thing; the more you do the stronger they get.
Until they are strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree.
Then a taller tree.
Then the sky.
That's how you'll end up,
If you let yourself love a wild thing, you'll end up looking at the sky

BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S

Not A Good Idea

Day 1:

“This is not a good idea”, she said to herself.

He gazed into her eyes and her heart was gripped in fear, “Oh no it’s not”.

She quickly shifted her gaze, picked up her bag and left.

For days the gaze and what she felt stayed with her. This was unlike her.

Day 12:

She sat beside him and talked about mundane things.

It was an easy conversation filled with laughter.

They ate and talked and in the midst of it all she forgot all her fears.

“This is fun”, she said.

As the day passed:

In a comfortable silence they sat

Occasionally they caught each others eyes and smiled

As the sun set it was time to leave.

Picking up her bags she hugged him goodbye

He took her in his arms and as she moved away she gazed into his eyes...

"This is not a good idea", she said, "Oh no it's not"……..

Moments

Slipping through her hand the sand falls on her folded feet.

The warmth of the silky sand under her feet and now on it makes her look down and she wonders what she had done to deserve this moment of peace.

The golden sun with its filtered rays make her skin glow and her hair dances in the gentle breeze.

The sun is gentle, the breeze caressing and the day is still young. Thinking back she realizes how she never thought such a moment would ever come to her. Until this moment she never thought life had any more surprises, let alone one that made her smile and here she was smiling to herself.

Looking at the endless ocean and the bright orange sun she thought how by living in the events of life we forget to look at the moments. Just when you thought there is nothing else left for you to say or do comes a moment, such as the one she experienced now, that makes you stop and head back to begin life with a renewed sense of purpose.

A moment where all past events fade and tears don't need to fall, a moment where shattered dreams don't matter because new ones a brought to front.

To end a life or to begin a new one, we are lucky to have the choice.

Digging her feet deeper in the sand, hugging her knees she smiles.......