All the crazy shit I did tonight

Those would be the best memories

I just wanna let it go for the night

that would be the best therapy for me....

And then...

The goalpost

The striker

The keeper....

He looks at the man ahead and breaks into a sweat

He has no fear.

He is prepared.

But then, so is he, probably even more than him

The clock ticks and defenses are drawn

Two people up in arms,

Two looks of grim determination

Muscles are tense

Throats are parched

A deep breath

And the calculated strike...

As one relaxes

The other tenses

Eyes follow the strike,

The brain works strategies to save

Breaths are deeper, shorter

The possibilities are endless,

The fear of loss gripping,

The hope of victory ever prevalent

Flying in the air IT carries the burden of immense joy & pain

With no agenda of its own and no dream to follow IT will break many

With no control on the outcome IT will decide for many...

IT is neither here nor there.

IT IS.

There is no justice

There is no victory

There is no hope

There is hope

There is victory

There is justice

***************************************************

Talking Aloud...

It's the thought that counts... but does it really?? What use is a thought if not followed by an action that makes the thought more than what it is... merely a thought...

To think and then to act...

To dream and then to realise it...

There is so much going on in this head of mine. Thoughts, actions, dreams, aspirations, reality... And yet it feels light, like its floating somewhere where no such words exist...

Confusion has always been my middle name but now even more so... why???

I wish I had answers to all that I need to know... I wish someone would tell me what to do… I wish I would listen to that someone...

Oh! I wish...

From the zest to fight and do something why has life become about living and accepting what's on the plate...

Where is the revolution? Where is the courage to change? Where is the fight to not accept lies and injustice?

Not saying what’s truly in your mind to the one who ought to know is dishonesty.

To say yes when you mean no is being submissive.

When and how did I become dishonest & submissive?

Where and when did this complacency seep into my life???

The need for a warm blanket to keep the cold out has been met but was that all I seek? Is there more?

Am I so weak that the world around can change who I am and what I want?

What happened to the one who fought against it all?

I have changed. Something changed me.

I don't like the change.

I don't want to accept what I have, I want more.

A lot more

The fire is still there, it’s still simmering and I will not let it die...

I can’t.

Mean, heartless, uncaring and selfish, a few words once used to describe me…

In a desperate moment to be accepted I changed to make them happy but does it mean that I become someone who knows what has to be done, but doesn't do so?

Can an unhappy me keep them happy? If yes, then are they worth it?

If growing up means turning your face away from the truth then I don't want to grow up.

If maturity means giving up dreams I don't want to be mature.

If realistic means giving up on perfection I don't want to be realistic.

True happiness lies in knowing this is not the end but just the beginning of a new chapter.

Quotes Again!

I don't want to own anything until I know I've found the place where me & things belong together. I'm not quite sure where that is yet but I know what it's like.

***************************

Never love a wild thing...
You cant give your heart to a wild thing; the more you do the stronger they get.
Until they are strong enough to run into the woods or fly into a tree.
Then a taller tree.
Then the sky.
That's how you'll end up,
If you let yourself love a wild thing, you'll end up looking at the sky

BREAKFAST AT TIFFANY'S

Not A Good Idea

Day 1:

“This is not a good idea”, she said to herself.

He gazed into her eyes and her heart was gripped in fear, “Oh no it’s not”.

She quickly shifted her gaze, picked up her bag and left.

For days the gaze and what she felt stayed with her. This was unlike her.

Day 12:

She sat beside him and talked about mundane things.

It was an easy conversation filled with laughter.

They ate and talked and in the midst of it all she forgot all her fears.

“This is fun”, she said.

As the day passed:

In a comfortable silence they sat

Occasionally they caught each others eyes and smiled

As the sun set it was time to leave.

Picking up her bags she hugged him goodbye

He took her in his arms and as she moved away she gazed into his eyes...

"This is not a good idea", she said, "Oh no it's not"……..

Moments

Slipping through her hand the sand falls on her folded feet.

The warmth of the silky sand under her feet and now on it makes her look down and she wonders what she had done to deserve this moment of peace.

The golden sun with its filtered rays make her skin glow and her hair dances in the gentle breeze.

The sun is gentle, the breeze caressing and the day is still young. Thinking back she realizes how she never thought such a moment would ever come to her. Until this moment she never thought life had any more surprises, let alone one that made her smile and here she was smiling to herself.

Looking at the endless ocean and the bright orange sun she thought how by living in the events of life we forget to look at the moments. Just when you thought there is nothing else left for you to say or do comes a moment, such as the one she experienced now, that makes you stop and head back to begin life with a renewed sense of purpose.

A moment where all past events fade and tears don't need to fall, a moment where shattered dreams don't matter because new ones a brought to front.

To end a life or to begin a new one, we are lucky to have the choice.

Digging her feet deeper in the sand, hugging her knees she smiles.......

LRF Video

Latika Roy Foundation: Who we are and what we do! Sometimes this works better than an hour long conversation!

A Walk...

Up the ladder we all go…

Down the ladder someone awaits.

A quick glance and the world changes – a passing thought, a sweet memory.

Who we are and what we need lies not at the farthest distant

In me, there is yesterday

In me, lies tomorrow.

A skip, a hop,

A strut, a sprint,

Fast but not avoiding the stops, this is how I move

Halt and breathe

I run again

Closer to where I need to be, not further from where I stand

Up the ladder I go…

Quotes Reworked...

Alice in Wonderland

Off with her head!

******************************

I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.

******************************

Alice: I've had nothing yet, so I can't take more.

The Hatter: You mean you can't take less; it's very easy to take more than nothing.

******************************

"Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

******************************

“It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!”

******************************

Tuesdays with Morrie - Mitch Alboom

So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half-asleep, even when they're busy doing things they think are important. This is because they're chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to loving others, devote yourself to your community around you, and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning."

********************

Love is how you stay alive, even after you are gone.

********************

"Don't hang on too long, but don't let go too soon."

**********************

The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

If you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too; even when you are in the dark; even when you're falling.

**********************

What the boy felt at that moment was that he was in the presence of the only women in his life, and that, with no need for words, she recognized the same thing. He was more certain of it than anything in the world.

******************************

.... and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only.

******************************

...love never keeps a man from pursuing his destiny. If he abandons that pursuit, it's because it wasn't true love …

******************************

Crimson light across the blue sky,

the sun sets and invites the night.

It ends to begin yet again.

Just like me...

holding on to memories of yesterday looking at tomorrow in the eye.

With broken dreams but a spirit that is raring to go I am leaving the tunnel behind.

A step at a time, with a little help from my friends, I walk along.

A DASH OF BOLLYWOOD - I

Recently saw two movies, Ravaan and I Hate Luv Storys. Hmmm each was as cliche and as good as the other and I liked them both!

Of course there are reasons. Ravaan because it’s Mani Ratnam and the man has an eye...all the locales that he shot in were beautiful. The movie is all about him and his cinematography. To a certain extend i even liked the story specially the part where 'Sita' leaves when her integrity is questioned but even though centuries have passed we still dont know what to do with 'Sita'. I like the way he has played with the characters making them more human, giving 'Sita' a sense of doubt, 'Ram' gets shades of grey and Ravaan is not quite the culprit. Plus he is smart, Mani Ratnam I mean (!) good or bad, Ravaan does die by the hands of Ram and Sita never does compromise. That's called smart coz u get your creative outlet and yet not get killed by 'the saviours of our sabhyata' (!).

Once again Mani Sahab I curtsy you....

Thok di killi

O thok di killi

Ki door nahi hai

Chalega dilli

Sabko ghoore aankh dikhaye

Tanashahi kare daraye

Oh baagad lilli hey

Oh thok di killi

Ghuma de danda

Uda de gilli

Itraye vithraayee jab bhi

Hadh se aage zad mein aaye

Aankh mein kaala kajal

Oye naak mein natthii

Kaan mein jhumka

Paanv pehne bhijua or

Daayen baayen maare thumka

Aase paase sab ko ghoore

Dekhe or dikhaye tevar

Mujre ka nazrana maange

Heere banne naqdi jevar

Bichde pichde keh ke humko

Khoob uthaye khilli dilli

Jhooti sacchi sehli

Thumri kajri jo bhi kchali

Humne ek tihayee li

Ghungroo chod kar chat par

Tehcli

Jhooti hai makkaar nachaiyya

Na koi mayi na koi maiya

Koot koot ke kapat bhara hai

Be-taala tha tha tha thaiyya

Bichde pichde keh ke humko

Khoob uthaye khilli dilli

Oh thok di killi

Oh thok di killi

Ki door nahin hai

Chalega dilli

Hey..hey

Raat ka maal, raaton ne loota

Chaand taaron ka guchcho

Churaaye

Din nikalna tha, apna bhi nikla

Kis mein dum hai ki suraj bhi

Jaaye

Kis mein dum hai ki suraj bhu

Jaaye

Aaya milke baiten

Haal sunaave dil ka

Kela woh khaate hai

Humko phenke chilka chilka

Bichde pichde keh ke humko

Khoob uthaye khilli dilli

Sehete sehete ab toh

Garden ghar rakh kar jaate hai

Choti ho gayi qabren

Bin mundi hi mar jaate hai

******************

Every Rose has its thorn

We both lie silently still

In the dead of the night

Although we both lie close together

We feel miles apart inside

Was it somethin' I said or somethin' I did?

Did my words not come out right?

Though I tried not to hurt you

Though I tried but I guess that's why, they say

Every rose has its thorn

Just like every night has its dawn

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

Every rose has its, yeah, it does

I listen to my favorite song

Playin' on the radio

Hear the D.J. say

"Love's a game of easy come and easy go"

But I wonder, does he know

Has he ever felt like this?

And I know that you'd be here right now

If I could've let you know somehow

I guess, every rose has its thorn

Just like every night has its dawn

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

Every rose has its thorns

Though it's been a while now

I can still feel so much pain

Like the knife that cuts you, the wound heals

But the scar, that scar remains

I know I could have saved our love that night

If I'd known what to say

Instead of makin' love we both

Made our separate ways

But now, I hear you've found somebody new

And that I never meant that much to you

To hear that tears me up inside

And to see you cuts me like a knife

I guess, every rose has its thorn

Just like every night has its dawn

Just like every cowboy sings his sad, sad song

G&R

POISON

Khalil Gibran...

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself

But if your love and must needs have desires,

Let these be your desires:

To melt and be like a running brook

That sings its melody to the night.

To know the pain of too much tenderness.

To be wounded by your own understanding of love;

And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

To wake at dawn with a winged heart

And give thanks for another day of loving;

To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;

To return home at eventide with gratitude;

And then to sleep with a prayer

For the beloved in your heart

And a song of praise upon your lips.

KHALIL GIBRAN

Catching Up - I think!

Wow! My last post was in Dec 2009...I think I have broken all my records!

WAVE update is that the site is launched and my first video is up - its on ME!!!! Here’s the link to it http://www.waveindia.org/bio.php?bid=2

The second video should be out soon - its on HOLI. The third is on the editing table - This one is on Jo. And the fourth is being shot/made - my first attempt at animation (Priyam is of course the support system!!) There is a fifth one but I'm still working on the script of that one

Another update we are fundraising BIG TIME for the LATIKA VIHAR SUMMER CAMP 2010 so support, donate and spread the word. I don’t think I need to explain what Latika Vihar is out here. My previous blogs have enough ammo on that!

The summers are our best months as we have children coming in from all over the country. Dehradun be blessed for being a 'grandma town'; every summer children come to visit their grandparents and need a place to have fun and unleash their creativity; that’s where Latika Vihar comes in....

Anyways, so during the summer months we have a mela and a picnic now these things are great fun but they need money and that’s where Priyam and I come in. This year our theme is 'CIRCUS'! the kids are learning how to Hoola Hoop, walk on stilts, juggle, make clown costumes etc. The usual activities like art & craft, theater continue but since it’s a theme they are all working towards something related to a circus.

Priyam the queen of fundraising has made 8 teams, each with a volunteer and a Latika kid and we are approaching the houses in Vasant Vihar for fundraising. Everyone can donate :) it’s worth it. You can come and visit anytime and you can always volunteer!

Tons to do so this is what comes to my mind, Im sure you have heard this before....

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.